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The British Diaries

The British Diaries: Part 2 “Grey Skies and Pork Pies.”

Life has been progressing well in Blighty. It was strange at first, but now Leela and I have settled into our new home, we have a routine- something that I didn’t know I needed.

We rise in the mornings, I make a flask of tea and we walk across the countryside. I like to play an audiobook in the background, some epic fantasy I’m listening to at the moment, and I allow myself to slip away into another world for an hour and a half.

The wet grass slides beneath my feet, exposing more mud as I try and choose my foothold carefully. My fitness had taken a dive since being on the boat and I’m trying my best to look after my health before I go back. I want to be healthy in my heart and body. That hour and a half is the chance I have in the morning to simply enjoy myself, feel my body moving and to breathe in the fresh air. I’ve even been resisting the delicious pork pies in my mother’s fridge from the Butchers.

I gaze around in the fog, finding more greenery becoming exposed from the dewy clouds as I move closer. The occasion dogwalker pass us on the path, their cheeks red and scarfs wrapped around their necks like cobras. I pause my audiobook here and there to say good morning and to compliment their dogs on their fluffy ears or coat. Leela always gets a lot of attention and it’s wonderful seeing her so happy in the open fields.

The gravel crunches beneath my trainers and I tell myself for the forth time that I need to get some wellies.

And a better coat, I think, pulling it closer around myself. It belongs to my sister and the puffer gillet I wear beneath is my mother’s. Beneath that I am huddled into my dad’s jumper and the last layer is a t-shirt that used to belong to my friend Chloe. I’m in dire need of new clothes but I can’t bring myself to buy any. I’m holding out for Christmas and hoping that my mother has bought me the annual gift of underwear and socks so I don’t have to go and spend money on small pieces of fabric.

We can always rely on mothers to buy us underwear.

The cold air whooshes in and out of my lungs, clouds escaping my tea-stained lips as they curl up into oblivion.

My flask of tea is huddled in my right pocket as always and my keys in my left. I take out my tea and take another swig, feeling the warmth bursts in my throat and mouth.

Soon we skirt around the path and start to walk over the rugby field, meaning that we have started our way back. Part of me wishes that this could be my life. To simply disappear into the green fields, have a tiny cottage somewhere, make tea and sell scones to the locals. Another part of me craves to pack everything up and throw myself onto Papageno, to take her around the edges of America, or maybe the Pacific. Maybe I should go back to Tortola and see my friends or maybe Grenada is the best choice.

I’ll work out, become healthy, buy all of the outrageous bikinis I’ve dreamed of, make the EarleWrites shop a success so we can afford whatever we need to make Papageno a wonderful place to live. I’ll stop smoking, I’ll meditate in the mornings, I’ll say yes to more things- yes to diving, yes to hiking, yes to the beach, yes to life-

I feel like a lot more drive has entered my spirit, because I’ll be honest with you, I was scared that returning to England was going to make me want to stay here. Remain in the safety, the known.

But if anything, being back in Nuneaton has shown me that she will always be here, waiting for me with open arms. She is my heart, and she is always here to revive my spirit whenever I need. So, there is no fear to go, there is no danger. I can go, live life, build memories, experiences, make friendships and start LIVING again.

I’m so excited to get back to Papageno, to take advantage of it all, to be that focused driving force that she needs to carry this journey on.

I look down as Leela as she pants happily by my side. We’ve become so close and it tears my heart a little at the thought of leaving her behind. But it would be more selfish to take her with me. She has a routine here, she has a home and she is loved by many. She will remain here, looked after by friends in my apartment. If the case ever happened that I decided to live on Papageno full time in the future, of course she would come with me.

But for now, I feel as though spending half my time on the boat and half time on land is good enough for me.

So, I will return in February and will spend 2 months over there. I’ll figure it out. I’m not tying myself down my numbers, expectations or predictions. I will do what feels right.

Many things have happened since I have been here. I have been reunited with family I haven’t seen for fifteen years (more on that next time) and created an environment that I feel safe and happy in. I’ve just finished my very last Christmas commission and all that remains to do is to create new items for the shop. (btw the shop is https://www.earlewrites.com/shop )

I turn off my audiobook as we near traffic, the drone from the cars drowning out the narrator’s voice too much to enjoy it anymore. We cross over the traffic lights, my glasses speckled with rain as we make our way to the door of our home.

“Good girl, Leela,” I say as I pull out my keys, shivering in the freezing wind. “Not long now,” I say to myself, glancing up at the dark clouds gathering in the distance.

And whereas the sunshine and the blue oceans of the Caribbean are indeed calling, right now, nothing can beat the drizzle and grey skies of Britain.

 

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The British Diaries The Papageno Diaries!

The British Diaries: Episode 1 “The BEGINNING.”

In this episode, my friends come to pick me up from France, we travel to England and I finally get my first ever apartment solo!
Find us! https://www.earlewrites.com
Become a Patron: https://www.patreon.com/earlewrites

Music
Olde English: Maddy
Just do: Martin Carlberg
Mountain downhill: Niclas Gustavsson
Good to you: Led Monster
Someday i’ll wait: Origo

 

 

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The British Diaries

Earle and Leela’s Move in Day!

Well tomorrow is the big day.

I become a proper adult and start living in my own home. I’m renting, but you know what I mean. The apartment is set inside this big building above! It used to be a house but got separated into apartments. Mine is at the very top! I’m going to get fit walking up 4 flights of stairs I think!

I’ve been working hard on my paintings and it’s been a relief to be in an environment where I can find a bit of peace. Tomorrow comes with a lot of changes and I’ve never been very good with that.

I just want to get settled.

As you know I’ve been living with my mate Steve and I’m scared to leave. There’s a comfort in these four walls. My friends come and go all of the time. I have my bedroom here, the comfiest bed, I have my space on the sofa, my blanket and the side switch that makes the seat pop out.

But there’s always a time to step out of your comfort zone.

And that’s tomorrow.

I’ve realised a few things whilst I’ve been here. I need to make even more changes. I’m going to be kind to myself and accept the fact that I’ve been adjusting to life back in England.

I know it’s been a while, but sometimes I still think of Edouard. Of course I do. It’s natural. Sometimes I wish I could go back and just relive that first day in Paris together over and over. But that’s a dream and I need to wake up from it. I need to preoccupy my mind. I’ve been looking for distractions a lot recently, and I’ve been waking up with a sore head on more than one occasion. But it’s time to start pouring my energy into constructive ways.

Painting.

Running.

Going to the gym.

Meeting family.

In October I wrote nearly every day. It was a great comfort- a cheap form of therapy as I poured my heart out to the world. Now it’s pretty much December, I’m ready to start writing again properly. I’ve been dying the past year to throw myself back into my Maddox Black series. It’s been a year since I wrote anything on it, and the last time I wrote a piece of fiction was in June this year about a girl who went back in time to 1922 (time travel is a fantasy of mine.) It’s time to get a schedule. Become organised. Motivated.

I really want to develop something where Papageno can give back. I think we’re ready to start building something. But I don’t know in which direction. So, if you have any organisations that are close to your heart, please let me know. I want to be a part of animal conservation efforts, humanitarian efforts and ocean preservation efforts. All of these ideas, intentions and I’m planning on 2019 to be a big year for us.

All I know is that I want Papageno to be independent and to do all she can to make a difference.

One of the reasons why Edouard was upset on the boat was because he felt that we weren’t involved in helping the community. He was a part of such amazing solidarity projects back in France that it went against his principles to simply do nothing.

“We have to get established first,” I would tell him. “We’re trying to build a base so we can make a bigger difference.”

But now he is making his own difference.

And it’s time I did too.

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Coming up with ideas and talking with likeminded people. About possibly taking groups of people out to places to build up schools or assist with medical supplies. Or it could be arranging teams of people to do beach clear ups or fundraising for children afflicted by life altering illnesses. And then there’s homelessness.

So many different things I feel for and it’s time now to create the start of something. I knew Papageno would always do something to help. That was my promise.

I was hoping to develop a range of products to specifically raise funds for these intentions or arrange fundraisers. But I know things take time, planning and good people.

So I’ll be setting up my shop in my new flat with my mum and sister and we’re going to be sitting down and figuring out how we can make EarleWrites a success so we can make an actual difference in the world. The Papageno Project has to be about something. It has to MEAN something.

I went to bed last night, wondering what I wanted from life.

What I wanted to achieve.

And that was all I could think about as my head touched the pillow. About how I could try and make a difference.

About how excited I was to wake up and continue making new items by hand, painting, working with ceramics, answering emails about your family portrait commissions.

Sometimes I get a longing for the place I’m supposed to be. I have no idea where that is yet. All I know is that I have to carry on doing my best, carry on doing what is best for me and Leela and keep Papageno alive.

I still have a while to go in some self healing, but I hope my new home will become a haven for me. A place to be safe, secure and to encourage more self love for myself.

I can’t wait to show you the first episode of The British Diaries, so I thank you for being patient with me as I create it and have another move in my life.

As a BIG thank you, I would love to give you all a 25% off all Limited Edition Prints in the shop! Just type in 25OFFXMAS and head over to get some of that Christmas shopping done!

As always thank you.

Leela and I send you our love and cuddles!

See you in the Earle Apartment!

X

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The British Diaries

The British Diaries: Part 1 “Great Britain, Family and a NEW chapter!!”

I’m home.

It’s been over a week now since we returned, and I’ve been able to breathe. There’s been a lot of things to update you all on. And I hope you all forgive me for being slightly late with my posts, but now things are stabilising.

First news is that I’ve been able to be reunited with my family. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to sit down with my parents and have a traditional Sunday dinner.

I’m not one for communal prayer, but as we sat down around the table and my dad said “grace”, I bowed my head lower down than usual.

I was grateful. I was honoured for this moment to be with the ones I love.

xmas

I’ve been living with my old housemate, Steve, for the past 10 days with Leela. Leela has been adapting extremely well. It was an incredible experience to be able to take her out into the countryside of Europe- her first outing into the cold being in France when I returned to Bouffemont. I don’t think she knew how to handle it! Everything was new, the smells, the cold and the scenery. But she took to it perfectly and loves to be outside.

When I landed in Paris, I stayed with Edouard’s best friend Bruno and his girlfriend Anne Charlotte. You may remember them from my Delos Diaries or French Diaries. I stayed in Bouffemont for a night as I waited for Tommy and Steve to drive down from Nuneaton to France. It was a strange experience, driving through the village that Edouard used to live in. He wasn’t there of course, he was in Marseille. It was a bittersweet experience, walking down the same paths, seeing the same spots where we had deep conversations, the lake where we fell even more deeply in love, and the twist in the woodland path where we ended our journey together.

It was a moment of acceptance as I walked through the woods with Edouard’s friend Bruno. The trees loomed over my head, their leaves cascading down around us in shimmers of red and orange.

It was the end of something and the beginning of another.

I was ready to walk away.

When Tommy and Steve arrived, it was like a hug from Britain. Getting in the car and waving goodbye to France was a sad and relieving moment.

It was time to go home.

After a night out in Lille in the north of France, we checked into the euro tunnel and found ourselves within Ol’ Blighty.

The relief that hit my lungs almost choked me. The British countryside sped past my eyes, a blur of green, black and grey as the fog pressed against the windows.

boyos

I held Leela closer to me in the back of the car, emotions running through me as I took in the moment.

“We’re home, Leela!”

“Better start learning English, Frenchie,” Tommy told her.

The days have passed of celebrating, seeing friends and much-loved family. Christmas is coming and there’s a happiness in the town that wasn’t there before. The bordered-up shops now host independent businesses, strangers are friendly, prices are low, and the hot chocolates are delicious.

Everyone seems to be in a good place right now, and I take a lot of joy from that.

It only made sense then to make another step in my journey.

I have found my own apartment.

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It’s to be my base in England for the next year whilst I figure out my life and get my sh#t sorted. I’ve always had an anxiety of not having my own home. To have that fear that it will be taken away. And yes, I’m renting but going from friend’s house to friend’s house is not the sort of unstability I want for Leela and I.

So, I found a flat with a space for me to write and paint. I discovered what I wanted to do this year to make myself happy. And that was to pursue creative outputs that I could invest in my business with my shop. And that is exactly what I am doing.

I’m now open to Christmas Family commissions, my mother and sister are helping me with posting items out, keeping me organised and helping me to create new handmade products.

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It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and it’s exactly how I want to keep Papageno going. I’ve already recruited a couple of friends to return with me in February who are going to be doing the wiring refit. It’s going to be a full house on Papageno with my intentions of taking on another two members of crew to help me sail her to Grenada.

Leela will be staying in Nuneaton for the time I am sailing. I don’t want to put her through the stress of flying and being driven from France again. So, I have a friend, Alex (he came to visit Laura and I for five days on Papageno- he’s Laura’s brother’s best friend) who will be moving into my apartment whilst I am gone who will look after her for the two months I am away.

I have a small fear about moving into this apartment. Maybe because it feels very “grown up”. And I’m doing it alone. There’s no one to be doing this with, and I have to figure it all out. I will be responsible for the roof above mine and Leela’s head. There’s also a small sadness of living alone, but I’m sure that will turn into something positive- something exciting. Because I need to be able to rely on myself and not others. I need to grow my business, have a roof over my head, be able to fix my own boat and look after my dog.

So, I’m doing my best to make the choices that will give me security, stability and a chance of personal growth.

I’m very much optimistic about my future. I’m excited for the future journeys, for the stories that will be made and the experiences to be had.

I’m working hard in creating The British Diaries for you all to watch whilst Leela and I adapt to our new lives. I want to show you my home town, the village I grew up in and my favourite spots in Warwickshire. I want to take you to London for a night out (thank God for Go-Pros) and Stratford Upon Avon for cream teas. I want to take you to Sherwood Forest with Laura and Leela in search of Robin Hood and to the cosy pubs in the Lake District. I want to take you to the castles, lakes and grand houses of the National Trust. I want to take you to the south of England where I can share my New Year’s celebrations with my closest friends. I want to show you what I am doing with my shop, my new paintings and releasing my latest book. I want to show you my new apartment and take you there for my house warming party.

I want to share with you this new chapter of my life.

I just want to take this moment to give you a sincere thank you for being with me on this journey.

Change is beautiful.

YOU are beautiful.

Thank you.

 

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The Papageno Diaries! Videos

The Papageno Diaries: Episode 21 “Saying Goodbye to Papageno- FOR NOW!”

In this week’s episode, we pack up our beloved Papageno and move her to the Boat Yard to start her repairs! We fit in a float switch with Captain Holly from SV Another Adventure! As Laura and I prepare for our EPIC adventures in England with Leela, we look forward to the future of Papageno with MASTS in the New Year!

A big thanks to everyone who has followed our journey so far- we hope you will follow us to England!

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Support us! https://www.patreon.com/earlewrites
Shop! https://www.earlewrites.com/shop

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The Papageno Diaries! Videos

The Papageno Diaries: Episode 20 “Getting work DONE!”

In this episode, we crack on with some major changes in the interior of Papageno, Laura introduces Lizbef to the Godfather, and we prepare for our final move to the boat yard for Papageno’s mast installation. Things are happening!
Find us: https://www.earlewrites.com
Save Papageno https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/savepapageno-1
Support us! https://www.patreon.com/earlewrites

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The Papageno Diaries!

10 Days Left: Making Plans and Smashing the To-Do List!

“You’re getting there, Elizabeth,” I say to myself. “You’re getting there.”

I stare at the ceiling of my cabin, not wanting to move. I’m far too comfortable, but feel incredibly lazy as it’s already past 9am. I was up until 1am last night working on illustrations, the website, emails and working on a graphic design project. I drag myself out of bed and head straight to work, sorting out our to-do list, and continuing with laptop duties.

Laura has gone for some time out with her mother to a lovely hotel where they can spend time with each other and go swimming in the pool. I found it strange waking up without her. Realising that there was a silence on the boat where Laura filled it with conversation and singing.

Even Leela seemed a bit miserable without her, lying on the floor in the bathroom, staring at me in accusation.

“Another person gone,” her eyes seemed to say.

There was no way to explain that Laura would be back. And there was no way to explain that she was about to go on the biggest journey of her life to England in just 10 days.

10 days left on Papageno. How bazaar.

I spoke to Edouard yesterday. It had been a couple of days since we last spoke. We usually ask how each other is doing, how our lives are, how Leela is doing and what’s going on with the boat.

“I worry about you Lizzie,” Edouard said. “I can relax when you get to England because I’ll know you’re safe.”

I smiled at that. And then cried because I missed him so much and I knew how happy he was in France without the boat.

“I’m so happy for you,” I said, not feeling very happy but glad for him nonetheless.

However, despite the sadness and the hardship of our separation, I know the path is right for us at this moment in time to grow as separate people. I feel like in the beginning I was an acorn and now I’m some kind of wizened oak, bent and gnarled in the spine with clenched hands.

But the mission is still clear. Carry on carrying on.

My to do list has gotten smaller. I went to the marina to beg to stay longer. They said to ask the docksman on the day I was supposed to get kicked off and ask him, and that it shouldn’t be a problem.

Alrighty then.

I’ve checked out the coolant pipe and it seems sound. No worries there.

The only thing I have to do engine wise is get the correct transmission fluid. The vet is sorted- booked an appointment for the 13th to get Leela’s latest shot. I’ve got some friends who will help me move the boat when the time comes. I’m actually hoping to hold out at the marina until the rigging workshop decide they want to work on her and bring her over themselves. I know my surroundings here, I know the people here and that’s a huge comfort whilst being here solo.

But right now, I’m finding a bit of extra happiness as each day goes by.

I’m looking forwards and am even taking a silversmithing workshop when I go home. I decided to explore all of the things that I never did but wanted to. I’ll be taking a ceramics class, weaving, silversmithing, life drawing- all of these things I took sincere joy in in the past but never pursued. Well, I have the time now. I want to fill my heart with as many creative, positive and happy things as possible. I want to work on my shop and my books. I have a few very precious months to restore my spirit in England with Leela and I intend on taking advantage of them. It’s also to go towards my shop, to expand and to continue to create art through jewellery, prints and clothing to share with everyone. I’ve always wanted to work for myself and here I am. I’m just honoured that people enjoy my illustrations.

It’s what makes me happy.

Papageno and us all have come a long way. I still intend to film when I’m in England with Leela. We’re going to explore so many places together and I can’t wait to show you what I love about my homeland. It’s been wonderful knowing I’m going home too, mostly because I’m able to say yes to invites now! Laura and I have been making many plans with our dogs and I’m content to get swept up in it all to repair some of the hurt.

I’ll continue editing, writing and creating and raising money to carry on with Papageno. As I check my emails, I’ve just learned that my rigging date has been put off. They can’t do it until I am out of the country. It’s a shame but they’ve promised to capture some footage for me.

They’re a good team and I know they’ll do the best job they can. It’s been great talking to them on a regular basis. We walk Leela past their workshop all the time so when we catch the boss there, we manage to sit in his air conditioned office and talk about the project more.

Turns out when he was young he bought a sailboat not knowing anything about sailing and went across the world with it. When we told him about keeping her as original as possible, about our journey, about bringing her back from the dead and making her a restoration project, his eyes seemed to sparkle with the challenge.

“You’re like me when I was young,” he said to me with a laugh. “You have the same look in your eye!”

I smiled.

It was determination.

It was determination to see this through. And we will. We have raised £5850 towards her restoration, just shy of the £7000 target. What an incredible turn around. This time last week I was ready to through myself into the black depths of the murky ocean around the docks. When Kickstarter had taken down our campaign, I thought it was all over.

But screw that.

It’s only over when we say it is.

And “it’s over” it’s not in the Papageno Clan’s vocabulary.

Find “Save Papageno” here!

crowdfunder

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The Papageno Diaries!

New Episode! The Papageno Diaries: Ep 18 “Arriving Martinique and facing a HURRICANE!”

Finally the Papageno Crew arrive in Martinique, only to face a hurricane in our first week! We prepare her for the storm and finally say goodbye to our beloved Edouard.

Thank you for your continued support! We are nearly at our target to Save Papageno! Head over to recieve a reward for every pledge from our shop!

“SAVE PAPAGENO” https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/savepap… https://www.earlewrites.com https://www.patreon.com/earlewrites

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The Papageno Diaries!

Finding Balance and Happiness on Papageno

Today is a sweaty day. Laura and I are trying our best to make arrangements for everything that is functioning on Papageno.

We have to leave the Marina on the 5th of November. I also need to compile a list of what needs to be done on Papageno to the workshop who is doing our rig. They pretty much fix everything and I like the idea of keeping things simple and getting everything done under one roof with people I trust.

My list of to-do’s are as follows.

  • Masts, rigging.
  • Wiring throughout with lights in aft cabin, galley, bathroom and back cabin.
  • Safety rail replaced portside.

These are the things that I can’t do myself. I want a professional to do them so I don’t have to worry. The other things such as:

  • Fix waterpump
  • Fit automatic bilge pump
  • Repaint kitchen
  • Fix refrigerator
  • Clean and repaint all bilges
  • Repaint interior
  • Sand/Repaint wood inside
  • Fit wind turbine
  • Repaint floors
  • Have mattresses, bedding and outside cushions arranged
  • (probably about a million other things to do).

However, these can wait until I get back in January to start repairs. I’m not sure whether the major work will start while I am here or when I’m away. I’m trying to get the workshop to start work on Papageno immediately, but the 12th still stands. I’m hoping I’ll be able to see her mast completion by the day I fly back home on the 15th.

When we get kicked out of the marina on the 5th, we have to move to the boat yard around the corner. It’s 375 euros a month. There she will be safe and sound and I’m hoping one of the mechanics will live on her from the workshop (he’s looking for a place apparently) in exchange for low rent and fixing a few things around Papageno. My worry is getting Papageno to a standard where someone can comfortably live on her. That, and hoping someone will actually want to live on her. It would cover some of the yard fees for me and would be nice to know that someone is keeping an eye on her.

It sounds like a small thing today, but I’m proud of myself. I fixed the shower bilge pump and started trusting myself a bit more. Turns out I just had to dismantle it and clean out all the muck- but bloody hell, I’m proud of myself! Now I just have to stop avoiding other jobs like the automatic bilge pump.

“It’s very easy,” everyone keeps telling me.

I’m going to have to get over this fear, I think!

These are just some of the simple jobs that I will be doing. There will be more expected of me. And I want to be competent. The waterpump stopped working today. Laura and I checked the connections in the kitchen and opened the engine room to check them there. There was nothing obviously wrong with anything.

As I was hanging over the side, touching the wires, I realised that I had no idea what I was looking for.

Edouard would know what he was doing, a voice said in my head.

But he’s not here anymore, another voice replied. You need to know how to do it.

It started working again 30minutes later, so Laura and I decided to leave it to the will of the Gods, praying that maybe some of my wiggling, disconnecting and reconnecting the connections had done some good.

(I doubt it.)

I’ve been very nervous about moving the boat to the boat yard. It’s only a 20 minute journey, but I’m nervous still to do it alone. Laura will be with her mother exploring Martinique and I’m hoping that I will get my confidence back once I achieve it. I just need to overcome this fear.

However, each day has been a positive one. Laura and I have been sleeping very well and wake up to a beautiful breakfast of eggs and toast. We’ve been through a lot together and I can’t wait for us to be back in our home town to enjoy the delights of cold weather, jumpers, woolly socks and gravy soaked dinners.

We’re content.

It’s a far cry from how things were before. When Edouard had left and I didn’t know whether he was returning- I was a mess. Now I know what is what and that I am the master of my own path, I’ve felt a lot happier. When our Kickstarter was taken down, I felt so numb to everything. The warmth, hope and achievement had vanished. What else could go wrong?

But then we turned a corner.

I’ve started to focus on the future, and hope has begun to grow inside once more. I really want to share Papageno with everyone so I’m really happy to have people enjoy their holidays on her whilst I’m back in England studying more courses and earning extra funds for her continued improvement throughout 2019. I’m still happy with my two months on and four months off arrangement to move her back to Europe. The four months off gives me time to earn money in the UK for her, edit videos and to pursue the British historical adventure dream that I’ve had for a long time- sharing our expllorations with you all of course. Castles and cream teas- I’m coming for ya! And Leela? Wait until I show her those endless green hills and trees of Blighty!

Whilst I’m at home for those breaks, I want people to share in Papageno, to create memories on her with their loved ones like we have so far. And then when I return for the two months on, I hope to be experienced enough to lead the crew and learn from my fellow sailors and peers.

Like I’ve said before- the most important thing to me is balance, confidence and education. To keep this balance, the Lizbef Diaries are going to be a varied combination of land and sea next year whilst I learn how to be a good Captain to my crew, make Papageno a safe boat, and also be able have my heartfelt adventures in Britain with Leela.

Welcoming people on Papageno for a holiday is not just yet however.

Right now, Laura and I are used to her little quirks- sometimes you have to hit this to make it work, twist that a certain way for this to start, only using water after flicking a switch, using a coolbox instead of a fridge and using a fender for a pillow in the cockpit.

We are aware it may not be for everyone.

Laura and I dream and fantasise when Papageno is finally comfortable. We talk about when the bathroom is tiled, when we have a new shower head, when we can have new sheets on the beds, new mattresses instead on sleeping on the 50 year old foaming and thin camping bed. We fantasise about making her liveable, beautiful and functional. When the walls are painted. Should we paint the wood or not? What tiles for the bathroom do we want? How should we paint the floor?

But those things are luxuries right now. The priority of course is the masts and rigging. Everything else can fall into place afterwards.

The entire structure is going to change when her masts and rig is up.

I think about it each time I walk down the dock towards her, seeing her so small looking next to the other boats.

“Wait till I have my masts!” she seems to shout in protest.

Shakespeare’s line comes to mind.

“Though she be but little, she is fierce.”

Too right, Will.

I’ve been trying my best to stay focused, still achieving a task each day. I didn’t realise how much I wanted this until everything fell apart. Until we started to build everything back together. I still feel like everything is a bit up and down, but I haven’t cried in a long time, so that must be a bonus, right?

Edouard and I still talk together. He’s very happy with his life in Marseille. I’m glad for him. And whereas I feel like the waters surroundings me are story and murky at times, I’m glad that he has found steady ground.

I’m looking forward to finding that when I return to England, two weeks today. I need it so desperately, for everything to be still for a while. So, I can start making plans and see Papageno in a clearer light. Then I can enjoy Christmas and return in January to get stuck back in.

I really didn’t see my journey turning this way. I didn’t see myself walking this path solo. And I didn’t foresee that I would have so much support when everything started to crack.

But here it is. And here I am.

We are now at £4205. £2795 away from our target. My sister and I have been organising Papageno’s shop to send out the rewards to everyone who has taken part so far. Papageno’s second chance is taking affect and we’re so close.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone from my heart. I’m looking forward to you all getting your rewards and I just want to hug each and every one of you. Laura and I will be arranging a Papageno meet up in December, so at east I’ll be able to hug some of you!

Sending you all of our love, hugs and high fives as always.

Find “SAVE PAPAGENO” here!

https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/savepapageno-1

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The Papageno Diaries!

Save Papageno

I stepped off the docks with a hardening in my chest. My ribs felt knotted into one solid bone, my heart unable to pump, my lungs unable to expand as I paced in front of Laura and Lucy.

We had been out sailing for the day with a friend. I hadn’t wanted to go at first, preferring to stay within the safety of Papageno so I could work on her renovations, preparations and about six other jobs I had to complete. But I found myself running down the dock to catch our friend’s boat, Capricorn for a day of snorkelling, paddle boarding, food, wine and sailing.

I had felt guilty at first. I knew I should be working. But everyone was so happy and I had been refusing invitations to go out and socialise every time they had asked us, Laura going alone.

Today had to be different.

I had returned with high spirits, feeling the ocean in my blood more than ever. I was excited about our future plans for Papageno, what we were going to do with her and feeling a peace settle within myself that I was doing ok alone.

But as soon as my phone connected to the internet and I found that our Kickstarter campaign had been taken down, my strength, my hope and my heart crumbled.

We had worked so hard to raise £7000 towards the renovation of Papageno, each pledge rewarded by an item of equal value of the shop. Everything had gone.

Someone had reported our campaign and it had been taken down. We had not clearly stated that we were a creative project and would be documenting the restoration. So, Kickstarter suspended the account refunded the money and told us that there was no undoing it.

I paced beneath the dim lights of the marina, wishing that each one would explode over my head. My anger had turned into a solid entity within myself and it needed a way out. I wanted the grass to burn alongside me as I paced, glass to crack and break and for pavement to shudder beneath my feet.

But all what happened was a clenching of my fists and an apology to Lucy and Laura as I found the nearest marina restaurant with wifi. Quickly hooking up, I read the email and sat still.

Was this the end?

Again?

Everything had ended before when Edouard had left. I had been prepared to sell Papageno and I had been prepared to save her. Now we had gotten to that place of relief, it had been taken away from me. Was I to give up or to try again?

My eyes flickered over the messages of support, my fingers tapping away frantically to respond. I didn’t have the energy to start something anew but I did anyway. How could I possibly hope to raise £7000 again?

We had been planning to complete her rig and masts, redo the wiring, have a professional look at the engine, have her safety rail replaced and have the inside fitted out for the comfort of a crew of six. We had been planning on keeping her safely at the marina. We had been planning on taking everything seriously, making sure she was kitted out with electrical navigational equipment to make sure anyone on board had everything they needed. We were planning on letting her out to the public once I was in England, sharing her with everyone who connected with her story, who wanted to contribute to her restoration- plumbers, electricians, mechanics, people who could decorate, reupholster- it was supposed to be a project that belonged to all of us.

But suddenly I was just a girl staring at a computer screen wondering whether people would give Papageno another chance.

Whether I would give her another chance.

My fingers fluttered over the keyboard once again, creating the campaign and sharing as much as I could.

“Let’s make this happen,” I said, inwardly cursing Kickstarter at the same time.

My ticket was already booked for England for the 15th. I was to arrive in Paris and then drive to England (Leela is not allowed to fly in). The rigging was booked in to take place on the 12th. We were getting kicked out on the 1st of November and I would have to haul my arse back to the marina office to beg if they could keep us longer. The coolant pipe still wasn’t repaired, we hadn’t found the right oil for the transmission and we simply didn’t want to move. We wanted to remain where we were.

Something needed to be still in this myriad of changing circumstances and ever present trials.

I decided I would try again. I would try and try and try until everything had turned to dust and there was nothing left to build. I would barter, bargain, convince and plead until we could stay safely stay where we were so the restoration could be completed here. So people could come and visit and stay on Papageno here.

It felt so tempting to just give everything up. To wash my hands free of all of this. To return to England with my head bowed and ashamed.

I had failed. Again.

I was the image of me returning in that way that made the anger flare up once more.

I could not go home that way. Not when I knew I still had the potential to bring Papageno back from the dead. I would work my fingers to the bone with my shop to raise the funds for her. She deserved it. After all of this. After everything we had been through together, Papageno was the only thing constant.

I would go home with my head high, because we would succeed. Because she’s captured my heart, and I believe she has for others too. The proof that anything is possible. That the broken can be fixed. Hearts and boats aren’t so different, after all.

So, let’s do this.

One more time.

Let’s Save Papageno.

Together.

Check out the “Save Papageno” campaign here