In this episode, my friends come to pick me up from France, we travel to England and I finally get my first ever apartment solo!
Find us! https://www.earlewrites.com
Become a Patron: https://www.patreon.com/earlewrites
Music
Olde English: Maddy
Just do: Martin Carlberg
Mountain downhill: Niclas Gustavsson
Good to you: Led Monster
Someday i’ll wait: Origo
Well tomorrow is the big day.
I become a proper adult and start living in my own home. I’m renting, but you know what I mean. The apartment is set inside this big building above! It used to be a house but got separated into apartments. Mine is at the very top! I’m going to get fit walking up 4 flights of stairs I think!
I’ve been working hard on my paintings and it’s been a relief to be in an environment where I can find a bit of peace. Tomorrow comes with a lot of changes and I’ve never been very good with that.
I just want to get settled.
As you know I’ve been living with my mate Steve and I’m scared to leave. There’s a comfort in these four walls. My friends come and go all of the time. I have my bedroom here, the comfiest bed, I have my space on the sofa, my blanket and the side switch that makes the seat pop out.
But there’s always a time to step out of your comfort zone.
And that’s tomorrow.
I’ve realised a few things whilst I’ve been here. I need to make even more changes. I’m going to be kind to myself and accept the fact that I’ve been adjusting to life back in England.
I know it’s been a while, but sometimes I still think of Edouard. Of course I do. It’s natural. Sometimes I wish I could go back and just relive that first day in Paris together over and over. But that’s a dream and I need to wake up from it. I need to preoccupy my mind. I’ve been looking for distractions a lot recently, and I’ve been waking up with a sore head on more than one occasion. But it’s time to start pouring my energy into constructive ways.
Painting.
Running.
Going to the gym.
Meeting family.
In October I wrote nearly every day. It was a great comfort- a cheap form of therapy as I poured my heart out to the world. Now it’s pretty much December, I’m ready to start writing again properly. I’ve been dying the past year to throw myself back into my Maddox Black series. It’s been a year since I wrote anything on it, and the last time I wrote a piece of fiction was in June this year about a girl who went back in time to 1922 (time travel is a fantasy of mine.) It’s time to get a schedule. Become organised. Motivated.
I really want to develop something where Papageno can give back. I think we’re ready to start building something. But I don’t know in which direction. So, if you have any organisations that are close to your heart, please let me know. I want to be a part of animal conservation efforts, humanitarian efforts and ocean preservation efforts. All of these ideas, intentions and I’m planning on 2019 to be a big year for us.
All I know is that I want Papageno to be independent and to do all she can to make a difference.
One of the reasons why Edouard was upset on the boat was because he felt that we weren’t involved in helping the community. He was a part of such amazing solidarity projects back in France that it went against his principles to simply do nothing.
“We have to get established first,” I would tell him. “We’re trying to build a base so we can make a bigger difference.”
But now he is making his own difference.
And it’s time I did too.
I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Coming up with ideas and talking with likeminded people. About possibly taking groups of people out to places to build up schools or assist with medical supplies. Or it could be arranging teams of people to do beach clear ups or fundraising for children afflicted by life altering illnesses. And then there’s homelessness.
So many different things I feel for and it’s time now to create the start of something. I knew Papageno would always do something to help. That was my promise.
I was hoping to develop a range of products to specifically raise funds for these intentions or arrange fundraisers. But I know things take time, planning and good people.
So I’ll be setting up my shop in my new flat with my mum and sister and we’re going to be sitting down and figuring out how we can make EarleWrites a success so we can make an actual difference in the world. The Papageno Project has to be about something. It has to MEAN something.
I went to bed last night, wondering what I wanted from life.
What I wanted to achieve.
And that was all I could think about as my head touched the pillow. About how I could try and make a difference.
About how excited I was to wake up and continue making new items by hand, painting, working with ceramics, answering emails about your family portrait commissions.
Sometimes I get a longing for the place I’m supposed to be. I have no idea where that is yet. All I know is that I have to carry on doing my best, carry on doing what is best for me and Leela and keep Papageno alive.
I still have a while to go in some self healing, but I hope my new home will become a haven for me. A place to be safe, secure and to encourage more self love for myself.
I can’t wait to show you the first episode of The British Diaries, so I thank you for being patient with me as I create it and have another move in my life.
As a BIG thank you, I would love to give you all a 25% off all Limited Edition Prints in the shop! Just type in 25OFFXMAS and head over to get some of that Christmas shopping done!
As always thank you.
Leela and I send you our love and cuddles!
See you in the Earle Apartment!
X
I’m home.
It’s been over a week now since we returned, and I’ve been able to breathe. There’s been a lot of things to update you all on. And I hope you all forgive me for being slightly late with my posts, but now things are stabilising.
First news is that I’ve been able to be reunited with my family. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to sit down with my parents and have a traditional Sunday dinner.
I’m not one for communal prayer, but as we sat down around the table and my dad said “grace”, I bowed my head lower down than usual.
I was grateful. I was honoured for this moment to be with the ones I love.
I’ve been living with my old housemate, Steve, for the past 10 days with Leela. Leela has been adapting extremely well. It was an incredible experience to be able to take her out into the countryside of Europe- her first outing into the cold being in France when I returned to Bouffemont. I don’t think she knew how to handle it! Everything was new, the smells, the cold and the scenery. But she took to it perfectly and loves to be outside.
When I landed in Paris, I stayed with Edouard’s best friend Bruno and his girlfriend Anne Charlotte. You may remember them from my Delos Diaries or French Diaries. I stayed in Bouffemont for a night as I waited for Tommy and Steve to drive down from Nuneaton to France. It was a strange experience, driving through the village that Edouard used to live in. He wasn’t there of course, he was in Marseille. It was a bittersweet experience, walking down the same paths, seeing the same spots where we had deep conversations, the lake where we fell even more deeply in love, and the twist in the woodland path where we ended our journey together.
It was a moment of acceptance as I walked through the woods with Edouard’s friend Bruno. The trees loomed over my head, their leaves cascading down around us in shimmers of red and orange.
It was the end of something and the beginning of another.
I was ready to walk away.
When Tommy and Steve arrived, it was like a hug from Britain. Getting in the car and waving goodbye to France was a sad and relieving moment.
It was time to go home.
After a night out in Lille in the north of France, we checked into the euro tunnel and found ourselves within Ol’ Blighty.
The relief that hit my lungs almost choked me. The British countryside sped past my eyes, a blur of green, black and grey as the fog pressed against the windows.
I held Leela closer to me in the back of the car, emotions running through me as I took in the moment.
“We’re home, Leela!”
“Better start learning English, Frenchie,” Tommy told her.
The days have passed of celebrating, seeing friends and much-loved family. Christmas is coming and there’s a happiness in the town that wasn’t there before. The bordered-up shops now host independent businesses, strangers are friendly, prices are low, and the hot chocolates are delicious.
Everyone seems to be in a good place right now, and I take a lot of joy from that.
It only made sense then to make another step in my journey.
I have found my own apartment.
It’s to be my base in England for the next year whilst I figure out my life and get my sh#t sorted. I’ve always had an anxiety of not having my own home. To have that fear that it will be taken away. And yes, I’m renting but going from friend’s house to friend’s house is not the sort of unstability I want for Leela and I.
So, I found a flat with a space for me to write and paint. I discovered what I wanted to do this year to make myself happy. And that was to pursue creative outputs that I could invest in my business with my shop. And that is exactly what I am doing.
I’m now open to Christmas Family commissions, my mother and sister are helping me with posting items out, keeping me organised and helping me to create new handmade products.
It’s what I’ve always wanted to do, and it’s exactly how I want to keep Papageno going. I’ve already recruited a couple of friends to return with me in February who are going to be doing the wiring refit. It’s going to be a full house on Papageno with my intentions of taking on another two members of crew to help me sail her to Grenada.
Leela will be staying in Nuneaton for the time I am sailing. I don’t want to put her through the stress of flying and being driven from France again. So, I have a friend, Alex (he came to visit Laura and I for five days on Papageno- he’s Laura’s brother’s best friend) who will be moving into my apartment whilst I am gone who will look after her for the two months I am away.
I have a small fear about moving into this apartment. Maybe because it feels very “grown up”. And I’m doing it alone. There’s no one to be doing this with, and I have to figure it all out. I will be responsible for the roof above mine and Leela’s head. There’s also a small sadness of living alone, but I’m sure that will turn into something positive- something exciting. Because I need to be able to rely on myself and not others. I need to grow my business, have a roof over my head, be able to fix my own boat and look after my dog.
So, I’m doing my best to make the choices that will give me security, stability and a chance of personal growth.
I’m very much optimistic about my future. I’m excited for the future journeys, for the stories that will be made and the experiences to be had.
I’m working hard in creating The British Diaries for you all to watch whilst Leela and I adapt to our new lives. I want to show you my home town, the village I grew up in and my favourite spots in Warwickshire. I want to take you to London for a night out (thank God for Go-Pros) and Stratford Upon Avon for cream teas. I want to take you to Sherwood Forest with Laura and Leela in search of Robin Hood and to the cosy pubs in the Lake District. I want to take you to the castles, lakes and grand houses of the National Trust. I want to take you to the south of England where I can share my New Year’s celebrations with my closest friends. I want to show you what I am doing with my shop, my new paintings and releasing my latest book. I want to show you my new apartment and take you there for my house warming party.
I want to share with you this new chapter of my life.
I just want to take this moment to give you a sincere thank you for being with me on this journey.
Change is beautiful.
YOU are beautiful.
Thank you.