The Papageno Diaries!

The Morning After.

Another morning in France. Our time is running out and I’m trying my best to stay positive, motivated and upbeat. Releasing that blog yesterday was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write. I’ve been so afraid of what people would say that I forgot about myself. But the support from you all has been overwhelming and Edouard and I have been very happy to read your comments and messages.

It makes me excited for my future. I know it will be bright. I know I’ll have adventures. I know what I want to do and how I’ll get there. Sort of. I’ll never stop trying. I always said I would give up with Papageno when she was sinking beneath me. I never predicted that I would be the one who was sinking and not my boat.

And so, she is now available for someone to carry on her story. Her advertisement is at I know it’s fast, but I hope to sell her within the next two weeks. I need to come home.

It is with sadness that I let her go. I return to her next Sunday and I will be working very hard to get her in ship shape for whoever would like to make her their new home. With Edouard leaving for his new beginnings in Marseille, I feel the urgency to move back to England even stronger.

I need good ol’ Blighty to strengthen my spirit again.

Laura is still on Papageno, has made new friends and is enjoying herself before her mother arrives so they can have some time together. Laura has been an absolute rock to me and encouraged me to get my arse over to Europe to get some closure. I’m glad she did.

And as Edouard and I figure all of this out together, we know that going forwards is the only way. It’s the only way if we ever hope to find each other again.

I’m very scared to carry on without him. Without his strength and his love. Just what will it feel to be alone again? That comfort blanket of warmth pulled from my shoulders, leaving me to shiver in the real world. It’ll be just me. I remember the moment of when he left me on Delos in Ascension Island. That moment of feeling loved and watching him leave, not knowing whether I would see him again, not knowing whether I would feel that warmth around my heart once more. Hoping. Dreaming. Yearning.

But it’s time Elizabeth carried on. It’s time I rebuilt my strength and did this for myself. To walk my own path. To be strong.

But I sometimes feel that is all I’ve been trying to be the past few months. Be strong. Carry the project. Reassure everyone. Fight back the haters. Laugh. Cry. And then do it all again the next morning. Papageno has taught me more about myself than anything else I have ever done. She has taught me perseverance and how far I can be pushed.

She has broken me and put me back together, making me into something other than what I was before. I don’t recognise the Elizabeth before Delos. I don’t recognise the Lizbef before Papageno. All I know is what I am now. Is that what this is? A constant evolution? A constant changing like the sea, ever unpredictable?

Whatever way the sea is pushing me, I’m going to go with it, with love in my heart and determination in my belly. The rivers of England are calling me, and somewhere in Warwickshire in a narrowboat waiting to take me into the belly of Britain. And I’ll answer their call.

Because my story isn’t over yet.

It’s only just begun.

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  1. Liz.
    You need to look inside and find that strong free spirit that’s been hiding for so long.
    You have an amazing personality and you draw people to you and you bring out the best in people .
    Papageno wasn’t just a boat she is you. Watching you mend Papageno I could see you mending at the same time (in a spiritual way).
    Don’t give up yet. You may be surprised at what is round the corner.
    Big hugs

  2. Lizbef thank you for your honesty, you will be even stronger for this new journey, take it from someone that is 55 & had a few experiences in life haha 😘

    You may not see it now but every journey we take in life teaches us so much about ourselves, that we would not encounter if we did not take those first scary steps out of our comfort zone. Each journey opens up many possibilities that were not there before, you are stronger than you think, maybe you just need to learn to love yourself that little bit more?

    You are an inspiration to many young women out there, keep up the good work, enjoy the good & bad experiences! They are all worth it as I said we learn so much from them.

    I wish I had half the confidence & strength you have at your age.

    And that narrow boat sounds fabulous, something I always felt would be lovely to try out some day…

    Your soul mate will be in your life when the time is right for you, the universe has other ideas for you right now…
    For you to become the person you are meant to be 😘

    You won’t be on your own for long & in the mean time just imagine that warmth & arms are around you, from all those who love you & follow your blogs..

  3. Lizbef,
    You and Edoardo are two very beautiful people. You have carried each other to life’s fork in the road. This is only a detour, what a glorious victory to this point in life. Life will have many forked roads along the way. That is the adventure that each person a live has, but some never see or take the step of faith in that adventure. Then one day the life they dreamed about never happened and it ends, how said. Papageno ha been your biggest success and stepping stone on to the next challenging adventure That is the reality of life, take the challenges, enjoy the adventures, share the Love along the way, and always live for today, we are never promised tomorrow. Sometimes life is painful, and the wound heals, but a scar is left as the reminder of how you were able to persevere and get were you are. We only know Happiness, because we have known Sadness I promise that a day will come and you will look back a see the successes & victories in your life, so live on my dear friend Lizbef.

    May the Peace of the Lord be always with you… Godspeed from Shane

  4. You don’t need a man girl stand alone and walk amongst the shadows for when you need no one by your side you are strongest of all

  5. You are brave, you are strong, you are good enough and you deserve happiness. I wish you all the best in the next phase of your adventure as I know it wont be easy. Change is hard but you can hold your head high because you didn’t fail anything. You LIVED life and you are more daring and brave than most people will ever be.

    You can use your experience from owning, and being a mighty fine Captain of Papageno to help guide your decisions in the future. This is not a failure. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel not good enough. You are good enough and you are beautiful, inside and out.

    As they say, it’s about the journey, not the destination and you have taken us on a wonderful journey and I look forward to what comes next.

    Thank you for taking us along. I am rooting for you. I know the world is a better place with you being you. Cheers Lisbef!

    Sending you love and Strength,

    Alison Arrowsmith

  6. Broken bones heal stronger. Thats all this is – one of life’s many fractures. I hope your advertisement has garnered a lot of interest and you’re able to return back to the sunny British lies soon – wool sweater in hand. Best get a raincoat for Leela.
    Hopefully this is a swift transition and all of us armchair adventuring along with you can keep watching as your adventures unfold.
    Kind regards,
    From The Prairies

  7. One of my Fav all time quotes is simply this…..

    “Time heals all wounds, be sure to give the time, some time”

    You will look back at this time and smile. The only question is how quickly you will smile. The measure of a Man (or a Woman) is how fast they overcome adversity.

    You KNOW you will recover, You KNOW you will be better, it’s just a matter of when…..

  8. You did and still do great Liz. I remember Edouard asked you to come to France. And you did it. You came a long way for him. And for yourself to make your dream com true. It was a bit to much for a starting love couple I think. Talking about y’r feelings is key in a relationship.Thats difficult when it’s not just the two of you in a not relaxed situation. You did nothing wrong. Just a bit to much in a short time. I hope you can slow down and stay together. As long you have the same dream. ❤️

  9. You are one of those rare people in the world that just spread sparkle wherever they go. This was another adventure in your life and you gave it your all. Move on to the next chapter without regrets or too much sadness. Life has a way of blessing you when you least expect it. Safe travels and keep on sparkling!

  10. Well, that’s a right arse. Was really looking forward to you bashing around the oceans blue. A shame for all of us, especially you. The riverboat is an interesting alternative……much less razzle-dazzle, certainly safer, which it sounds as if you need. Don’t see you there forever though. Thanks for your openness, and best of British unloading the unfortunate Papageno as fast as you wish.

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