So, a lot has happened. I always seem to open up with that. But some amazing things have taken place. Everything I was scared looking back on are no longer scary to reminisce about. I think that’s probably the beauty about time. It’s like a huge sigh of relief has come over me, and whatever hurt before no longer does. It’s not just acceptance of what has taken place in the past, but being grateful for the events and memories, good or bad that came as a result.
There is a lesson in everything.
And I’m no stranger to lessons.
I’ve been thinking a lot about Australia and New Zealand and what it meant to me a couple of years ago- about what it represented years back when I was just a teenager and all of my hopes and dreams that that green place stood for me. I promised myself I would climb Mount Doom. It was a dream when we first thought we were moving over in 2011.
But things change.
My family moved to Australia and I remained in the UK.
I always felt restless before. The road trip across New Zealand in 2014 dampened any fire I had. There were so many obstacles at the time and I was lucky I wasn’t alone in my journey. There were some highs and lows and I was incredibly supported throughout.
But the fire for whatever I had been searching for had been extinguished and I searched for that flame in other ways. I thought I could find that heat in the every day, find it within the normal milestones of any person’s life. But they never paid off.
The past two years have passed and something has grown with the past six months. An itch. A restlessness. I promised myself I would relight it someday. I’ve found the small adventures in the everyday- I’ve made them myself. I sought them out. And it’s been wonderful spending time with the fellow adventurer- being with people who are up for following the winding road down to God knows where. I’m excited for the future.
I will climb that mountain one day. That’s always been a goal of mine- to climb Mount Doom. It’s good to have goals.
I’m excited about my future. My writing is developing and I’ve had some interest in a certain piece, which is why I’ve held back from releasing it.
There are so many things that are important to me- so many people. I’ve also learned that both of those elements come and go.
People are like seasons. They come, change and pass.
I’ve met some amazing individuals- some, not so amazing.
Things are a changing and I have evolved.
It’s like I’ve had to placate myself with small moments rather than with anything solid- people have offered me smoke rather than a flame.
Each day promises a new chance. And I know I’m lucky. I am so so lucky to have what I do. I not only have an amazing friendship circle, I get to pursue what I love, I get to help people, and most important of all- I’ve been given a second chance to find myself.
I think it’s important to be kind to yourself. I was always disappointed that I couldn’t do this or that faster, be stronger, be harder. Always wanting to be better than what I was.
But it doesn’t work like that.
Maybe just being yourself is good enough.
I suppose that shows my determination at least to want more of myself, but at the end of the day, everything takes time. You’re the person who’s being hardest on you. It’s difficult to actually be your own friend.
But you’re the person who’s going to be with you forever- you will be your own companion through all of the highs and lows of life. You have to be kind to yourself.
I’ve had a crazy week with being reunited with friends from University, and I’ll highlight some of the events in the week. But for now, I want to shut off this blog entry and get back to editing the sequel of Daughter of the Damned. I know I said it was going to be released in Sept, but it’s looking at a November release now (sorry guys).
So, for now I’m having a chilled and early night. There’s exciting things a-brewing and adventures upon the horizon.
I’m looking forward to it.